My first 10K

On New Years Eve 2008, as I sat freezing in my drafty old Victorian rental home on the water in Northport, yet warm in my heart after wine and good company with my friends Jen and Brent, we shared our 2009 Resolutions, and one of mine was to run the Great Cow Harbor 10K, an event that draws even elite runners to this little town I now call home. I've done a few 5Ks, and I thought that my next step was a 10K, on my way to a Half Marathon. I haven't decided whether a real marathon is in my future.

So yesterday, on a picture perfect day of sunshine and cool weather, I took off on my 6.1 mile adventure through Northport. It was a steady and even run. Tim's "wave" (faster people) left about 8 mins before my "wave" (there were 5200 runners!) and when I got going, all I could think was "I am going to complete a 10K!!" It's the longest consecutive run I've done yet. I was very excited, the crowds were encouraging, the day was beautiful, the scenery stunning. After about one mile out, the kids from the 2K came rushing past me, although I never ran into my own kids. It was fun to see friends along the route - they all seemed surprised to see me out there!

I had feared that my knee would start bothering me around mile 2, which it did, of course, right before the grueling 1/4 mile up James St (aka Widow Hill). I've been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chen, about how God is really the big cheese in the world, and I am not, so I need to get over myself, and all my issues, and what I was really designed for was to glorify God, so I'm thinking, "God, how can I glorify you through this race?" And I started singing, "In my life Lord, be glorified, be glorified, in my life Lord, be glorified today..." it's a little praise chorus, like a meditation chorus, and yes I tried singing out loud, but then halfway up that hill I was too out of breath! So I just sang it in my head the rest of the way. What was funny was that as my knee started to hurt, and I'm only on mile 2 (4 to go) I started thinking about glorifying God with my whole body, and so I started singing that song and inserting the various body parts like "In my knees Lord, be glorified, be glorified.....in my lungs, Lord, be glorified, be glorified.....in my face Lord, be glorified, be glorified....." etc... And really truly, as I started giving it up to the Lord - my pains, my worry about the next 4 miles - the pain would go away and my face would light up and I would have this happiness come over me, like, "Woo hoo! I'm running this race and my body is strong and if people look at me I hope they see me THANKFUL and happy, instead of miserable and struggling!" It made all the difference. And not because I came in a minute under my 1 hr 20 min projection (!), but because I enjoyed that race, hills and all.

And so if I can glorify God while I'm doing something physically challenging, can I also glorify God when I'm folding the laundry?? Hmmm... Sure I can glorify God when I'm singing and when I'm front and center, but, can I also glorify God when I am serving, or behind the scenes, or just doing laundry? I hope so. I guess that's a new challenge.

New reality

Haha! Today I began a lifestyle change program at church, definitely NOT a diet (don't they all say that?) called First Place 4 Health, and the idea is spiritual, physical, emotional and mental balance, arrived at by giving Christ First Place in my life. Well, the "haha" part was weighing in on "their" scale, which, (gasp!) had me at a whopping 193.1! Now I know it's only a few pounds up from my home scale, AND I was completely clothed in my church suit, which weighs a little more than my birthday suit, which is how I usually weigh in...So there is my new reality. OK.

I'm really looking forward to taking back control, no I mean giving up control, in this very unique study. I did a similar program in 2000 and had a bunch of success, but the idea of constantly relinquishing control to God, to allow Him first place, to trust His best for my life, well, it's something I forget because I'm impatient and I want things MY way. And I also want that donut, or that scoop of peanut butter, or that Mr. Softee, or just about anything else I want to make me feel good. But in the long run, it doesn't really satisfy, it's just a momentary desire fulfilled, and then oftentimes it makes me feel worse, because I know that it's that very lack of self control that pisses me off.

Anyway, it's always good to be more aware, and I do fully intend to do this study and benefit from it, yea change my LIFE as a result. So who's with me?!?! Yeah, it's hard not to feel a teensy bit "but what if...." because I've been there already, been up and down like a rollercoaster, been over the moon when I'm feeling fit and my clothes fit nicely, and then feel down in the dumps when I can't wear this pair of pants or when this skirt sits nicely under my boobs instead of on my hips like it should!

I will endeavor to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, giving Him First Place in my life, and see if he doesn't "pour me out a blessing." Because, after all, God is Good.

It's a beautiful morning!!

Something ventured. Nothing gained. But nothing lost either. Still 187. No change in a week. With my weight. Hmmm.....was it the beer and martinis in Manha'an? Or the tacos last night? Or the fact that I haven't exercised since my first posting? Today begins a new week and another chance.

Lara was here this weekend and we found two great places - just walkin' around Manhattan! 350 Fifth Avenue, roof top bar. Sooo cool. The Empire State Bldg was just across the street and lit up colorfully - just like we were. Big red robes with hoods to keep warm! Pretty funny. Then we kept walking and found a funky little restaurant in Nolita called Room 18 - another martini - Guavaloe martini this time - yum. You gotta have fun. So interesting to watch the drunks and fashion in Penn Station at 1am. Girls screaming at their boyfriends, teenagers totally inappropriately dressed with heels they can barely stand in, let alone walk in.

Speaking of Penn Station, when we got there, after having had all those drinks and dinner (though we were neither inappropriately dressed nor falling down drunk) Tim wanted ice cream, so, naturally, I had one too. But about two bites in I was like, "Here I go again, what's up? ice cream at 1am? I'm not even hungry!" So I gave it to Brent.

Lesson there: Self control means that others cannot affect how I behave with food. Peer pressure. The fact that the food is just there. I feel as though it would be rude of me not to partake. But that's a load of crap, I realize.

So this week: exercise more, have better options in the fridge (shoot - have something in the fridge! my poor family!), don't let others sway me into eating what I should not or am not hungry for. Today I purposely planned an appointment at noon so that I would have time to exercise after dropping off Jack. Next weekend is the Cow Harbor 10K and I'm hardly prepared for it! I think the adrenaline will just have to carry me through!

OK, be well.

Burnt cookies

Today I baked chocolate chip cookies for Big Tim Compitiello (a GIANT of a young man), and there were a few sorta burnt ones, so.......I am proud to say.....I threw them out! But only after I ate one. A burnt one!

And then I wondered why, instead of eating the best, I settled for the throw-aways. And I noticed that I eat "the rest" - the rest of the kids unfinished dinner, the rest of the chicken pot pie crumbs that didn't fit in the tupperware. I have to think I'm not alone on that one. I also stand up when I eat, and do other stuff like paperwork and wiping counters.

Janae told me she didn't snack. She's a liar. No, just kidding. I'm there are women who don't snack. French women. Aurora says she eats three meals but doesn't snack in between. I believe her. Once I had lunch with Aurora and I noticed that she ate one bowl of soup and some crackers, but that the cracker bag was on my side of the table, and during our conversation I kept digging out of the cracker bag, but she never once reached for more crackers. Starting to be more aware of what goes into my mouth.

Jack needs stories. Bye.

CRAPPY DAY

Sucks. What started out as a great day at Ladies Bible Study, learning about our Fall study "Crazy Love" ended with a big, stupid fight with my husband, unrelated to this whole challenge. A few weeks ago Pastor Ayers preached on "joy stealers" and gave "People" as one of the potential joy stealers in our lives. I do let people steal my joy. Sometimes when Jack is the least bit challenging I just throw in the towel, get irritated, say screw it, and get grumpy. Why do I do that? Tim and I were talking about the steps I plan to take to accomplish this goal, this challenge, and I got all "Whoa is me" on him, lots of negative talk about how I can't do it, I've tried and failed so many times before, why should this time be any different..blah blah blah....SOS. Ugh. So I was hoping that these emotions would stay away for at least a LITTLE while, not the second day of the challenge!! Is there hope for me?!

As far as eating, what did I eat today? A little yogurt, half a bagel with an egg on it, stupid "non stick" pan ruined my egg. leftovers for lunch, a salad and sandwich for dinner. No exercise, except for chasing after the kids on their bikes. And then an argument and my husband is pissed and leaving town for two days. Great. Wife of the Year Award.

Ugh, I hope no one reads this entry. Negative self talk - sick of it. How do I kick it? It's the only way to conquer the psychological drama of the whole body image/weight loss issue. Wasn't I a happy girl, loving myself just YESTERDAY?

Tomorrow is a new day. Let's try again.

Here's what I did on Day 1

So I started today, Sept 14th, my 40th challenge. I started with a 3 mile walk, having whipped out of the house to get Jack to Kindergarten on time, no breakfast! Great way to start living healthy! After the walk, I took Alicia and her friend Jayme to the train station to go to NYC (where they remain, at 11pm, current time). Then I went to the market. I wasn't really hungry anyway, so it wasn't a big deal, I wasn't "tempted" to buy junk, but when I got home I ate 1/3 of the rotisserie chicken I had just bought! It was sooo good. And I was full. So then I had a yogurt. It was a LOW CAL yogurt! Sheesh. Anyway, I'm always amazed that I can spend $150 at the market and still have an empty fridge. It's what happens when you have one of those gigantic Sub Zero fridges. Not complaining, just sayin.

Later I had a sesame bread stick, cuz I had to see what it tasted like. Kind of a waste of $2.99. Not great. I wasn't hungry even, since I had eaten around noon, but found myself in the pantry, looking....
Had a handful of kettlecorn crumbs, mindless eating, BUT then I thought, "why am I eating this? i'm not hungry" and I stopped. I should have thrown it away, it was crumbs! But I didn't. Lesson to learn: throw it out! I purposely did not buy any treats or ice cream at the market. That kind of stuff just calls my name during the day, at night, when no one is looking.

I feel good about today! Capped the night with Jen at Starbucks, drinking Green Tea, which is probably why I am still awake!! #*$&%*&# I will succeed. I will make better choices, I will exercise. I will not snack on crap. Andrew wrote me a sweet, encouraging message about this challenge. I love Drew. That was nice. Okay, well, a new day tomorrow.

Be well.

The Challenge

The challenge. The 40th Birthday Challenge. It's Maggie's fault. She started it. She decided to hike Half Dome in Yosemite. She and Steve. She invited participants. Marie and Kip signed on. I volunteered to watch the children. They left before dawn and returned after sundown. It was a big deal. We were all proud of them, inspired, awed. They rocked Half Dome!! And I watched the children. BUT I did manage to hike to the top of Vernal Falls with Alicia, which was no small feat, and I'm proud of that accomplishment.

ANYWAY, when I was home (in L.A. - is that still home?) this August, Maggie and Nancy asked what my 40th challenge would be. Would it be a marathon? Would it be s*x for a week straight (how is that a challenge)? And what kind of crazy friend suggests that? What what what?! So now I have to commit to a challenge! Thanks, Maggie.

So, ala Julie and Julia, I decided to blog about my challenge, not because anyone would be interested, but to create a space where I will be held accountable, because if just one person reads this, then I am accountable to the goal! (Having said that, if anyone wants to make a movie about me, or write a book, I have got some good stories).

So here it is, and don't laugh. Because once I say it there is no going back, and believe me, I've gone back. Back and forth, my whole life. But no more.

Part one of my challenge is to arrive at my healthy weight by Feb 23, 2010, my 40th bday. I have determined that 155-160 is a healthy weight range for me. Prior to 8th grade, the last time I was 155 was at my cousin Joe's wedding in 2000. Clearly I didn't stay there, or I wouldn't have a challenge. Today I weighed in at 187, not my heaviest ever, but still, too heavy.

Part two of my challenge is to maintain that weight range my entire 40th year. NOT that I intend to balloon up at 41, but I expect that I will have learned a few good habits that will carry me into the next stage of my life, a healthy girl. So on Feb 23, 2011, I expect to be within that healthy 155-160 range. And if I'm not, I guess I'll kill myself. Just KIDDING, people, settle down!

So there it is. I can do it. I know I can. I'm a happy girl. I love myself. I'm worth the effort. (My husband is skinnier than me, the bitch.)

Anyone care to join me?