Like maybe a marathon? Or hiking Mount Everest? Or Machu Pichu? Because at this rate, any of those options would likely be more achievable!! Oh dear....
When I was 31ish I participated in a weight loss program called Weigh Down Workshop, which was also known as Pray Your Weight Away. And I must've prayed a lot, because I lost 50# with that and I got down to 155. Trouble is, it was so little food, that I'm not sure if I could sustain that kind of eating today. And I enjoy eating! And that was almost 10 years ago. I saw the Dr the other day and mentioned my challenge and she was surprised at the goal I had chosen (155-160), and said to consider the fact that "at my age" my metabolism slowed, and it was harder to lose weight period. She talked about BMI and where I was now and where I could be with even a 15# weight loss. She asked if there had been any change in weight since my move (YES! Ugh!) to NY, and said 1lb of extra weight really translates to 3lbs on my joints and muscles.
I've also mentioned the First Place 4 Health program that I've been involved in thru the church, and how I expected it to be pretty much like the Weigh Down Workshop, meaning lose 30 lbs in 3 weeks and all my problems would be over. Well, that aint how it worked out. I did lose anywhere from 3-10 lbs during that time (depending on what I was wearing, what time of day it was, my period, etc....), but even more meaningful was the emphasis on total health and balanced wellness. I realize I've been so insistent on a NUMBER that would make me feel successful, a number on the scale, on my pants, and so when I was at or near that NUMBER I would feel great, and when I was far from that NUMBER I would feel like crap. Like that NUMBER was how I valued myself. I remember reading in Camryn Manheim's book (Wake Up, I'm Fat!) that oftentimes we don't consider the value of being a good friend, funny, intelligent, kind, generous, talented, creative, a good listener, loyal, honest, a great writer, WHATEVER, we're just so consumed with the "fat" label that everything else is forgotten. How sad. But true. I have definitely felt that way - so for me to wake up and realize I am so much more than "fat" was a real breakthru.
Anyway, back to First Place - the idea of the program, definitely not a quick weight loss program, is surrendering your (my) will to God, putting Christ first, and taking care of myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. If one is grossly out of balance, the others are negatively affected. So it was a great discipline to decide to daily surrender to Christ, to commit to the Bible study and to prayer, to put exercise into my daily schedule, to really take inventory of emotions and that bloody negative tape that runs thru my mind, defeating all my efforts. While I wish I would have lost more weight during the first 12 week session, I'm really thankful for what I learned about what God wants from me in all areas of my life, not just the physical. It was a good lesson.
So all said, I will definitely make every effort to get to that goal weight, and the treadmill we're getting (soon) will be helpful to that end, but I'm thinking it's more important to appreciate all I have to offer, to stop worrying about numbers, to give myself over to Christ and see what He wants to do with me and thru me, and live a balanced life in all areas. Don't we all want that? Do I sound like a crazy woman? Those are just my thoughts for today.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Two steps forward
At least it's only one step back. Well, I realize I haven't written anything lately. I'm not all that motivated to write. Or to lose weight, evidently, because this Sunday at weigh-in I was UP 3 lbs, can you believe it?!? It's discouraging, since today our group leader sent a message saying we were 6 weeks into the program, halfway thru this session, and what did I have to really show for it but 3 lbs? Oh well, can't get too down on myself, because there have been other positive changes that I've noticed, like getting up every morning early to do my Bible reading and have my quiet time. (Actually wanting to get up, that's even better!! BUT what will that look like when I get my treadmill? Will I have to get up 45 mins before THAT? Ugh!) Like preparing more, being a little more organized, not fretting and rushing about. That's all good. Yielding my will to God's. That's harder than it sounds.
This is a short post, I'm up late and need to get up early (for my quiet time, of course!!) so I'll say alooooha. That reminds me....Sad news today, one of my good friends and mentors, a high school teacher of mine, Dave Eldredge, died of a heart attack yesterday at age 77. He was a great man - a strong and caring and noble Hawaiian man who taught me to love and respect my Hawaiian ancestry, and made me laugh too many times to recount. You know those people in your life that have made a big impact on you somehow, at some point in your life? A teacher, coach, friend, sister, whomever? I think we should tell those people what they mean to us, and how they influenced us. I did this the other day, to a gal I haven't seen in probably 20 years. Just put pen to paper and started telling her all that I remember about her awesome aloha spirit, her laughter, her cheerfulness, her beautiful singing and ukulele playing. Sheesh I went on and on. I didn't want to have the regret of failing to tell her how blessed I was by her life. I hope she was blessed in return.
This is a short post, I'm up late and need to get up early (for my quiet time, of course!!) so I'll say alooooha. That reminds me....Sad news today, one of my good friends and mentors, a high school teacher of mine, Dave Eldredge, died of a heart attack yesterday at age 77. He was a great man - a strong and caring and noble Hawaiian man who taught me to love and respect my Hawaiian ancestry, and made me laugh too many times to recount. You know those people in your life that have made a big impact on you somehow, at some point in your life? A teacher, coach, friend, sister, whomever? I think we should tell those people what they mean to us, and how they influenced us. I did this the other day, to a gal I haven't seen in probably 20 years. Just put pen to paper and started telling her all that I remember about her awesome aloha spirit, her laughter, her cheerfulness, her beautiful singing and ukulele playing. Sheesh I went on and on. I didn't want to have the regret of failing to tell her how blessed I was by her life. I hope she was blessed in return.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Feeling good
We had a great weekend! Saturday we drove up to Massachusetts and spent the day in the gorgeous Berkshires, visiting Norman Rockwell's home, studio and museum, and the picturesque town of Stockbridge. Lots of gorgeous fall color to share with my mother-in-law Marlene, who is visiting. Beautiful up there! We missed the ferry back to Port Jeff, but good old Tim, our trusty chauffeur, took us home via Manhattan.
Sunday was a busy busy day, but I'm starting to feel good about this challenge I'm on. Not that the weight is dropping off so quickly, but I am starting to feel a better balance, and more in control of my eating, esp emotional eating. Meaning, I'm not emotionally eating right now. I'm preparing meals, eating smaller portions, choosing better food, not depriving myself, eating half of the portions when I eat out, all that good stuff. And I also don't feel like a failure when I have dessert, because it's okay to have it every so often.
I started out on Sunday with half an apple and half a string cheese, something I wouldn't ever have considered "fuel" or breakfast before, but I was running a 5K and I didn't want to eat too much and feel yucky while I ran, and honestly I wasn't all that hungry. So I ran a 5K in my best 5K time ever, which was 35:38. I was trying to get 34, at Tim's encouragement, but my time didn't suck. It was a flat and relatively easy course, for a good cause, and it got me up and exercising, so it was worth it!
Had time to rush back home, shower, and head to my First Place 4 Health meeting, where the focus was yielding to God, and evaluating fitness goals. I weighed in at 186.9, not a great big loss this week, but again, feeling balanced and on a good path. Ate a breakfast bar for breakfast, headed back home and got ready for our afternoon/evening in Manhattan!
I knew we would be having an early dinner at Victors, our favorite Cuban spot on 52nd St in the City, so I didn't eat anything before seeing Jude Law as Hamlet. We loved the show. I felt zero guilt eating the lechon, dirty rice and beans, yucca, two mojitos (!) and a guava cobbler with vanilla ice cream for dessert! One, I had eaten sensibly all week, and two, only ate half my meal because I was full only halfway thru. But I kept trying to go back and eat it, just one more bite, because it was so delicious! That was the hard part, looking at it on my plate, knowing it was delicious, but also knowing I was full. I won't even lie and say I was worried about starving children in Ethiopia, I was not, and I didn't care about the waste of food, I just wanted it because it was good, and it was there. Finally Tim finished it, and the waiter took it away, and the agony was over! But I felt great afterward! Full, but great, proud of myself!!
Sunday was a busy busy day, but I'm starting to feel good about this challenge I'm on. Not that the weight is dropping off so quickly, but I am starting to feel a better balance, and more in control of my eating, esp emotional eating. Meaning, I'm not emotionally eating right now. I'm preparing meals, eating smaller portions, choosing better food, not depriving myself, eating half of the portions when I eat out, all that good stuff. And I also don't feel like a failure when I have dessert, because it's okay to have it every so often.
I started out on Sunday with half an apple and half a string cheese, something I wouldn't ever have considered "fuel" or breakfast before, but I was running a 5K and I didn't want to eat too much and feel yucky while I ran, and honestly I wasn't all that hungry. So I ran a 5K in my best 5K time ever, which was 35:38. I was trying to get 34, at Tim's encouragement, but my time didn't suck. It was a flat and relatively easy course, for a good cause, and it got me up and exercising, so it was worth it!
Had time to rush back home, shower, and head to my First Place 4 Health meeting, where the focus was yielding to God, and evaluating fitness goals. I weighed in at 186.9, not a great big loss this week, but again, feeling balanced and on a good path. Ate a breakfast bar for breakfast, headed back home and got ready for our afternoon/evening in Manhattan!
I knew we would be having an early dinner at Victors, our favorite Cuban spot on 52nd St in the City, so I didn't eat anything before seeing Jude Law as Hamlet. We loved the show. I felt zero guilt eating the lechon, dirty rice and beans, yucca, two mojitos (!) and a guava cobbler with vanilla ice cream for dessert! One, I had eaten sensibly all week, and two, only ate half my meal because I was full only halfway thru. But I kept trying to go back and eat it, just one more bite, because it was so delicious! That was the hard part, looking at it on my plate, knowing it was delicious, but also knowing I was full. I won't even lie and say I was worried about starving children in Ethiopia, I was not, and I didn't care about the waste of food, I just wanted it because it was good, and it was there. Finally Tim finished it, and the waiter took it away, and the agony was over! But I felt great afterward! Full, but great, proud of myself!!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Bake cupcakes while fasting!
What a concept! At first I thought it was ridiculous to even think about baking sweets during a fast, especially in the evening when I was likely to be the most hungry. But, it was a good idea, after all, and nobody got a cupcake from batter that I dipped my finger into, several times. It was actually helpful to know that eating was not an option. Why did I fast? Especially during my new First Place 4 Health program of healthy and balanced eating and life management? Well, primarily because one of our church members is very ill, and his wife asked the congregation to fast and pray for him, so I did. Also went to a prayer meeting for him that day, and enjoyed a beautiful Fall day with my mother-in-law who is visiting. I didn't ever struggle NOT to eat, I must say. Maybe it's because I've done the Master Cleanse/Lemonaide Diet for 9 days (twice), so the thought of a one-day fast was a piece of (proverbial) cake!
Backing up to Sunday, my "weigh in" day after completing one week of the First Place 4 Health program. I was really mindful of my eating all week, but lost interest in writing it down after a few days. Plus, there is no column for "apple pie a la mode" and I didn't think it would be honest to break it up under "fruit" and "grain" - I'm still getting used to the tracker. This one measures portion size instead of calories or points, which is new to me. You decide what your calorie spread is, for the day, based on your goals and age, etc... and then it tells you the portion size of each food group (1.5-2 cups of fruit per day, for instance). So you can't, say, have six cups of spinach for zero points, because, although the calories are minimal, it doesn't address the question of portion size. Something new. Anyway, on Sunday I weighed in at 187.5, down 6 lbs from last week, probably due mainly to the nightie I was wearing to weigh in, as opposed to last week's suit of armor. You gotta do what you gotta do to succeed, right? We laughed about wearing camis and sheer, chiffon skirts in the dead of winter during weigh-in!!! And forget about wearing boots!
Ok, so my weekly goals are:
Recording what I eat, judging accurately the portion size
Get out to run or even walk more often, more than once a week!
Backing up to Sunday, my "weigh in" day after completing one week of the First Place 4 Health program. I was really mindful of my eating all week, but lost interest in writing it down after a few days. Plus, there is no column for "apple pie a la mode" and I didn't think it would be honest to break it up under "fruit" and "grain" - I'm still getting used to the tracker. This one measures portion size instead of calories or points, which is new to me. You decide what your calorie spread is, for the day, based on your goals and age, etc... and then it tells you the portion size of each food group (1.5-2 cups of fruit per day, for instance). So you can't, say, have six cups of spinach for zero points, because, although the calories are minimal, it doesn't address the question of portion size. Something new. Anyway, on Sunday I weighed in at 187.5, down 6 lbs from last week, probably due mainly to the nightie I was wearing to weigh in, as opposed to last week's suit of armor. You gotta do what you gotta do to succeed, right? We laughed about wearing camis and sheer, chiffon skirts in the dead of winter during weigh-in!!! And forget about wearing boots!
Ok, so my weekly goals are:
Recording what I eat, judging accurately the portion size
Get out to run or even walk more often, more than once a week!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Molly Moves Out
I was kinda ticked that a children's book caused so much drama in my household today! Trying to be a good mom, and encourage Jack's "love of reading", we started the morning with the book Molly Moves Out about a little rabbit (one of 8 siblings) who decides it's too noisy and crowded at her house, everyone breaks her stuff and ransacks her room, and so she's movin' out. She actually does move out (no age given, but I'm assuming she's the eldest sibling, so maybe 12?!?!?) into a little house across the meadow. She goes for two weeks happy as a clam in her quiet, clean house, with nobody bothering her. By week 3 Molly is a little sad and doesn't quite know why. So we assume that it will end like it should end, right? She's supposed to figure out that she misses her sibs and her parents, and MOVES BACK HOME. It's a CHILDREN'S book! But, no. She meets a neighbor, a mouse, and the two become the best of friends. She's all but forgotten her family! Maybe she has actually forgotten her family, because one day they all show up on her doorstep and she is surprised to see them! The moral of the story is "leave your blasted noisy, irritating family behind and never look back." What???
So my crazy, emotional son has tried twice today, twice, to "move out." He stuffs his pillowcase with his junk and walks out the door saying, "I'm movin out!" When I say he needs to stay on our property he freaks out, "How can I move out on our property?? I have to go to Savino's house and live there!" Jack loves our neighbor Savino, he wants to go over there every day and play with him. Trouble is, poor Savino is in 4th grade and he is very kind and puts up with Jack, the Kindergardener. Jack truly idolizes Savino. I think he figures "movin' out" means he gets to stay with Savino. In fact, the second time he tried, this evening, he packed up again and said, "I'm movin' out! I'm going to live at Savino's house and be his little brother!" And then had a major meltdown when Tim told him that "sorry, you still have to live here with us!" You know I'm hiding that book now. We are never reading that again. What a dumb book.
I know this had nothing to do with my weight loss goals, but we made apple pie today from the apples we picked the other day, so, in other words, I ate apple pie, which doesn't make for inspirational weight-loss reading.
So my crazy, emotional son has tried twice today, twice, to "move out." He stuffs his pillowcase with his junk and walks out the door saying, "I'm movin out!" When I say he needs to stay on our property he freaks out, "How can I move out on our property?? I have to go to Savino's house and live there!" Jack loves our neighbor Savino, he wants to go over there every day and play with him. Trouble is, poor Savino is in 4th grade and he is very kind and puts up with Jack, the Kindergardener. Jack truly idolizes Savino. I think he figures "movin' out" means he gets to stay with Savino. In fact, the second time he tried, this evening, he packed up again and said, "I'm movin' out! I'm going to live at Savino's house and be his little brother!" And then had a major meltdown when Tim told him that "sorry, you still have to live here with us!" You know I'm hiding that book now. We are never reading that again. What a dumb book.
I know this had nothing to do with my weight loss goals, but we made apple pie today from the apples we picked the other day, so, in other words, I ate apple pie, which doesn't make for inspirational weight-loss reading.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
My first 10K
On New Years Eve 2008, as I sat freezing in my drafty old Victorian rental home on the water in Northport, yet warm in my heart after wine and good company with my friends Jen and Brent, we shared our 2009 Resolutions, and one of mine was to run the Great Cow Harbor 10K, an event that draws even elite runners to this little town I now call home. I've done a few 5Ks, and I thought that my next step was a 10K, on my way to a Half Marathon. I haven't decided whether a real marathon is in my future.
So yesterday, on a picture perfect day of sunshine and cool weather, I took off on my 6.1 mile adventure through Northport. It was a steady and even run. Tim's "wave" (faster people) left about 8 mins before my "wave" (there were 5200 runners!) and when I got going, all I could think was "I am going to complete a 10K!!" It's the longest consecutive run I've done yet. I was very excited, the crowds were encouraging, the day was beautiful, the scenery stunning. After about one mile out, the kids from the 2K came rushing past me, although I never ran into my own kids. It was fun to see friends along the route - they all seemed surprised to see me out there!
I had feared that my knee would start bothering me around mile 2, which it did, of course, right before the grueling 1/4 mile up James St (aka Widow Hill). I've been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chen, about how God is really the big cheese in the world, and I am not, so I need to get over myself, and all my issues, and what I was really designed for was to glorify God, so I'm thinking, "God, how can I glorify you through this race?" And I started singing, "In my life Lord, be glorified, be glorified, in my life Lord, be glorified today..." it's a little praise chorus, like a meditation chorus, and yes I tried singing out loud, but then halfway up that hill I was too out of breath! So I just sang it in my head the rest of the way. What was funny was that as my knee started to hurt, and I'm only on mile 2 (4 to go) I started thinking about glorifying God with my whole body, and so I started singing that song and inserting the various body parts like "In my knees Lord, be glorified, be glorified.....in my lungs, Lord, be glorified, be glorified.....in my face Lord, be glorified, be glorified....." etc... And really truly, as I started giving it up to the Lord - my pains, my worry about the next 4 miles - the pain would go away and my face would light up and I would have this happiness come over me, like, "Woo hoo! I'm running this race and my body is strong and if people look at me I hope they see me THANKFUL and happy, instead of miserable and struggling!" It made all the difference. And not because I came in a minute under my 1 hr 20 min projection (!), but because I enjoyed that race, hills and all.
And so if I can glorify God while I'm doing something physically challenging, can I also glorify God when I'm folding the laundry?? Hmmm... Sure I can glorify God when I'm singing and when I'm front and center, but, can I also glorify God when I am serving, or behind the scenes, or just doing laundry? I hope so. I guess that's a new challenge.
So yesterday, on a picture perfect day of sunshine and cool weather, I took off on my 6.1 mile adventure through Northport. It was a steady and even run. Tim's "wave" (faster people) left about 8 mins before my "wave" (there were 5200 runners!) and when I got going, all I could think was "I am going to complete a 10K!!" It's the longest consecutive run I've done yet. I was very excited, the crowds were encouraging, the day was beautiful, the scenery stunning. After about one mile out, the kids from the 2K came rushing past me, although I never ran into my own kids. It was fun to see friends along the route - they all seemed surprised to see me out there!
I had feared that my knee would start bothering me around mile 2, which it did, of course, right before the grueling 1/4 mile up James St (aka Widow Hill). I've been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chen, about how God is really the big cheese in the world, and I am not, so I need to get over myself, and all my issues, and what I was really designed for was to glorify God, so I'm thinking, "God, how can I glorify you through this race?" And I started singing, "In my life Lord, be glorified, be glorified, in my life Lord, be glorified today..." it's a little praise chorus, like a meditation chorus, and yes I tried singing out loud, but then halfway up that hill I was too out of breath! So I just sang it in my head the rest of the way. What was funny was that as my knee started to hurt, and I'm only on mile 2 (4 to go) I started thinking about glorifying God with my whole body, and so I started singing that song and inserting the various body parts like "In my knees Lord, be glorified, be glorified.....in my lungs, Lord, be glorified, be glorified.....in my face Lord, be glorified, be glorified....." etc... And really truly, as I started giving it up to the Lord - my pains, my worry about the next 4 miles - the pain would go away and my face would light up and I would have this happiness come over me, like, "Woo hoo! I'm running this race and my body is strong and if people look at me I hope they see me THANKFUL and happy, instead of miserable and struggling!" It made all the difference. And not because I came in a minute under my 1 hr 20 min projection (!), but because I enjoyed that race, hills and all.
And so if I can glorify God while I'm doing something physically challenging, can I also glorify God when I'm folding the laundry?? Hmmm... Sure I can glorify God when I'm singing and when I'm front and center, but, can I also glorify God when I am serving, or behind the scenes, or just doing laundry? I hope so. I guess that's a new challenge.
New reality
Haha! Today I began a lifestyle change program at church, definitely NOT a diet (don't they all say that?) called First Place 4 Health, and the idea is spiritual, physical, emotional and mental balance, arrived at by giving Christ First Place in my life. Well, the "haha" part was weighing in on "their" scale, which, (gasp!) had me at a whopping 193.1! Now I know it's only a few pounds up from my home scale, AND I was completely clothed in my church suit, which weighs a little more than my birthday suit, which is how I usually weigh in...So there is my new reality. OK.
I'm really looking forward to taking back control, no I mean giving up control, in this very unique study. I did a similar program in 2000 and had a bunch of success, but the idea of constantly relinquishing control to God, to allow Him first place, to trust His best for my life, well, it's something I forget because I'm impatient and I want things MY way. And I also want that donut, or that scoop of peanut butter, or that Mr. Softee, or just about anything else I want to make me feel good. But in the long run, it doesn't really satisfy, it's just a momentary desire fulfilled, and then oftentimes it makes me feel worse, because I know that it's that very lack of self control that pisses me off.
Anyway, it's always good to be more aware, and I do fully intend to do this study and benefit from it, yea change my LIFE as a result. So who's with me?!?! Yeah, it's hard not to feel a teensy bit "but what if...." because I've been there already, been up and down like a rollercoaster, been over the moon when I'm feeling fit and my clothes fit nicely, and then feel down in the dumps when I can't wear this pair of pants or when this skirt sits nicely under my boobs instead of on my hips like it should!
I will endeavor to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, giving Him First Place in my life, and see if he doesn't "pour me out a blessing." Because, after all, God is Good.
I'm really looking forward to taking back control, no I mean giving up control, in this very unique study. I did a similar program in 2000 and had a bunch of success, but the idea of constantly relinquishing control to God, to allow Him first place, to trust His best for my life, well, it's something I forget because I'm impatient and I want things MY way. And I also want that donut, or that scoop of peanut butter, or that Mr. Softee, or just about anything else I want to make me feel good. But in the long run, it doesn't really satisfy, it's just a momentary desire fulfilled, and then oftentimes it makes me feel worse, because I know that it's that very lack of self control that pisses me off.
Anyway, it's always good to be more aware, and I do fully intend to do this study and benefit from it, yea change my LIFE as a result. So who's with me?!?! Yeah, it's hard not to feel a teensy bit "but what if...." because I've been there already, been up and down like a rollercoaster, been over the moon when I'm feeling fit and my clothes fit nicely, and then feel down in the dumps when I can't wear this pair of pants or when this skirt sits nicely under my boobs instead of on my hips like it should!
I will endeavor to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, giving Him First Place in my life, and see if he doesn't "pour me out a blessing." Because, after all, God is Good.
Monday, September 21, 2009
It's a beautiful morning!!
Something ventured. Nothing gained. But nothing lost either. Still 187. No change in a week. With my weight. Hmmm.....was it the beer and martinis in Manha'an? Or the tacos last night? Or the fact that I haven't exercised since my first posting? Today begins a new week and another chance.
Lara was here this weekend and we found two great places - just walkin' around Manhattan! 350 Fifth Avenue, roof top bar. Sooo cool. The Empire State Bldg was just across the street and lit up colorfully - just like we were. Big red robes with hoods to keep warm! Pretty funny. Then we kept walking and found a funky little restaurant in Nolita called Room 18 - another martini - Guavaloe martini this time - yum. You gotta have fun. So interesting to watch the drunks and fashion in Penn Station at 1am. Girls screaming at their boyfriends, teenagers totally inappropriately dressed with heels they can barely stand in, let alone walk in.
Speaking of Penn Station, when we got there, after having had all those drinks and dinner (though we were neither inappropriately dressed nor falling down drunk) Tim wanted ice cream, so, naturally, I had one too. But about two bites in I was like, "Here I go again, what's up? ice cream at 1am? I'm not even hungry!" So I gave it to Brent.
Lesson there: Self control means that others cannot affect how I behave with food. Peer pressure. The fact that the food is just there. I feel as though it would be rude of me not to partake. But that's a load of crap, I realize.
So this week: exercise more, have better options in the fridge (shoot - have something in the fridge! my poor family!), don't let others sway me into eating what I should not or am not hungry for. Today I purposely planned an appointment at noon so that I would have time to exercise after dropping off Jack. Next weekend is the Cow Harbor 10K and I'm hardly prepared for it! I think the adrenaline will just have to carry me through!
OK, be well.
Lara was here this weekend and we found two great places - just walkin' around Manhattan! 350 Fifth Avenue, roof top bar. Sooo cool. The Empire State Bldg was just across the street and lit up colorfully - just like we were. Big red robes with hoods to keep warm! Pretty funny. Then we kept walking and found a funky little restaurant in Nolita called Room 18 - another martini - Guavaloe martini this time - yum. You gotta have fun. So interesting to watch the drunks and fashion in Penn Station at 1am. Girls screaming at their boyfriends, teenagers totally inappropriately dressed with heels they can barely stand in, let alone walk in.
Speaking of Penn Station, when we got there, after having had all those drinks and dinner (though we were neither inappropriately dressed nor falling down drunk) Tim wanted ice cream, so, naturally, I had one too. But about two bites in I was like, "Here I go again, what's up? ice cream at 1am? I'm not even hungry!" So I gave it to Brent.
Lesson there: Self control means that others cannot affect how I behave with food. Peer pressure. The fact that the food is just there. I feel as though it would be rude of me not to partake. But that's a load of crap, I realize.
So this week: exercise more, have better options in the fridge (shoot - have something in the fridge! my poor family!), don't let others sway me into eating what I should not or am not hungry for. Today I purposely planned an appointment at noon so that I would have time to exercise after dropping off Jack. Next weekend is the Cow Harbor 10K and I'm hardly prepared for it! I think the adrenaline will just have to carry me through!
OK, be well.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Burnt cookies
Today I baked chocolate chip cookies for Big Tim Compitiello (a GIANT of a young man), and there were a few sorta burnt ones, so.......I am proud to say.....I threw them out! But only after I ate one. A burnt one!
And then I wondered why, instead of eating the best, I settled for the throw-aways. And I noticed that I eat "the rest" - the rest of the kids unfinished dinner, the rest of the chicken pot pie crumbs that didn't fit in the tupperware. I have to think I'm not alone on that one. I also stand up when I eat, and do other stuff like paperwork and wiping counters.
Janae told me she didn't snack. She's a liar. No, just kidding. I'm there are women who don't snack. French women. Aurora says she eats three meals but doesn't snack in between. I believe her. Once I had lunch with Aurora and I noticed that she ate one bowl of soup and some crackers, but that the cracker bag was on my side of the table, and during our conversation I kept digging out of the cracker bag, but she never once reached for more crackers. Starting to be more aware of what goes into my mouth.
Jack needs stories. Bye.
And then I wondered why, instead of eating the best, I settled for the throw-aways. And I noticed that I eat "the rest" - the rest of the kids unfinished dinner, the rest of the chicken pot pie crumbs that didn't fit in the tupperware. I have to think I'm not alone on that one. I also stand up when I eat, and do other stuff like paperwork and wiping counters.
Janae told me she didn't snack. She's a liar. No, just kidding. I'm there are women who don't snack. French women. Aurora says she eats three meals but doesn't snack in between. I believe her. Once I had lunch with Aurora and I noticed that she ate one bowl of soup and some crackers, but that the cracker bag was on my side of the table, and during our conversation I kept digging out of the cracker bag, but she never once reached for more crackers. Starting to be more aware of what goes into my mouth.
Jack needs stories. Bye.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
CRAPPY DAY
Sucks. What started out as a great day at Ladies Bible Study, learning about our Fall study "Crazy Love" ended with a big, stupid fight with my husband, unrelated to this whole challenge. A few weeks ago Pastor Ayers preached on "joy stealers" and gave "People" as one of the potential joy stealers in our lives. I do let people steal my joy. Sometimes when Jack is the least bit challenging I just throw in the towel, get irritated, say screw it, and get grumpy. Why do I do that? Tim and I were talking about the steps I plan to take to accomplish this goal, this challenge, and I got all "Whoa is me" on him, lots of negative talk about how I can't do it, I've tried and failed so many times before, why should this time be any different..blah blah blah....SOS. Ugh. So I was hoping that these emotions would stay away for at least a LITTLE while, not the second day of the challenge!! Is there hope for me?!
As far as eating, what did I eat today? A little yogurt, half a bagel with an egg on it, stupid "non stick" pan ruined my egg. leftovers for lunch, a salad and sandwich for dinner. No exercise, except for chasing after the kids on their bikes. And then an argument and my husband is pissed and leaving town for two days. Great. Wife of the Year Award.
Ugh, I hope no one reads this entry. Negative self talk - sick of it. How do I kick it? It's the only way to conquer the psychological drama of the whole body image/weight loss issue. Wasn't I a happy girl, loving myself just YESTERDAY?
Tomorrow is a new day. Let's try again.
As far as eating, what did I eat today? A little yogurt, half a bagel with an egg on it, stupid "non stick" pan ruined my egg. leftovers for lunch, a salad and sandwich for dinner. No exercise, except for chasing after the kids on their bikes. And then an argument and my husband is pissed and leaving town for two days. Great. Wife of the Year Award.
Ugh, I hope no one reads this entry. Negative self talk - sick of it. How do I kick it? It's the only way to conquer the psychological drama of the whole body image/weight loss issue. Wasn't I a happy girl, loving myself just YESTERDAY?
Tomorrow is a new day. Let's try again.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Here's what I did on Day 1
So I started today, Sept 14th, my 40th challenge. I started with a 3 mile walk, having whipped out of the house to get Jack to Kindergarten on time, no breakfast! Great way to start living healthy! After the walk, I took Alicia and her friend Jayme to the train station to go to NYC (where they remain, at 11pm, current time). Then I went to the market. I wasn't really hungry anyway, so it wasn't a big deal, I wasn't "tempted" to buy junk, but when I got home I ate 1/3 of the rotisserie chicken I had just bought! It was sooo good. And I was full. So then I had a yogurt. It was a LOW CAL yogurt! Sheesh. Anyway, I'm always amazed that I can spend $150 at the market and still have an empty fridge. It's what happens when you have one of those gigantic Sub Zero fridges. Not complaining, just sayin.
Later I had a sesame bread stick, cuz I had to see what it tasted like. Kind of a waste of $2.99. Not great. I wasn't hungry even, since I had eaten around noon, but found myself in the pantry, looking....
Had a handful of kettlecorn crumbs, mindless eating, BUT then I thought, "why am I eating this? i'm not hungry" and I stopped. I should have thrown it away, it was crumbs! But I didn't. Lesson to learn: throw it out! I purposely did not buy any treats or ice cream at the market. That kind of stuff just calls my name during the day, at night, when no one is looking.
I feel good about today! Capped the night with Jen at Starbucks, drinking Green Tea, which is probably why I am still awake!! #*$&%*&# I will succeed. I will make better choices, I will exercise. I will not snack on crap. Andrew wrote me a sweet, encouraging message about this challenge. I love Drew. That was nice. Okay, well, a new day tomorrow.
Be well.
Later I had a sesame bread stick, cuz I had to see what it tasted like. Kind of a waste of $2.99. Not great. I wasn't hungry even, since I had eaten around noon, but found myself in the pantry, looking....
Had a handful of kettlecorn crumbs, mindless eating, BUT then I thought, "why am I eating this? i'm not hungry" and I stopped. I should have thrown it away, it was crumbs! But I didn't. Lesson to learn: throw it out! I purposely did not buy any treats or ice cream at the market. That kind of stuff just calls my name during the day, at night, when no one is looking.
I feel good about today! Capped the night with Jen at Starbucks, drinking Green Tea, which is probably why I am still awake!! #*$&%*&# I will succeed. I will make better choices, I will exercise. I will not snack on crap. Andrew wrote me a sweet, encouraging message about this challenge. I love Drew. That was nice. Okay, well, a new day tomorrow.
Be well.
The Challenge
The challenge. The 40th Birthday Challenge. It's Maggie's fault. She started it. She decided to hike Half Dome in Yosemite. She and Steve. She invited participants. Marie and Kip signed on. I volunteered to watch the children. They left before dawn and returned after sundown. It was a big deal. We were all proud of them, inspired, awed. They rocked Half Dome!! And I watched the children. BUT I did manage to hike to the top of Vernal Falls with Alicia, which was no small feat, and I'm proud of that accomplishment.
ANYWAY, when I was home (in L.A. - is that still home?) this August, Maggie and Nancy asked what my 40th challenge would be. Would it be a marathon? Would it be s*x for a week straight (how is that a challenge)? And what kind of crazy friend suggests that? What what what?! So now I have to commit to a challenge! Thanks, Maggie.
So, ala Julie and Julia, I decided to blog about my challenge, not because anyone would be interested, but to create a space where I will be held accountable, because if just one person reads this, then I am accountable to the goal! (Having said that, if anyone wants to make a movie about me, or write a book, I have got some good stories).
So here it is, and don't laugh. Because once I say it there is no going back, and believe me, I've gone back. Back and forth, my whole life. But no more.
Part one of my challenge is to arrive at my healthy weight by Feb 23, 2010, my 40th bday. I have determined that 155-160 is a healthy weight range for me. Prior to 8th grade, the last time I was 155 was at my cousin Joe's wedding in 2000. Clearly I didn't stay there, or I wouldn't have a challenge. Today I weighed in at 187, not my heaviest ever, but still, too heavy.
Part two of my challenge is to maintain that weight range my entire 40th year. NOT that I intend to balloon up at 41, but I expect that I will have learned a few good habits that will carry me into the next stage of my life, a healthy girl. So on Feb 23, 2011, I expect to be within that healthy 155-160 range. And if I'm not, I guess I'll kill myself. Just KIDDING, people, settle down!
So there it is. I can do it. I know I can. I'm a happy girl. I love myself. I'm worth the effort. (My husband is skinnier than me, the bitch.)
Anyone care to join me?
ANYWAY, when I was home (in L.A. - is that still home?) this August, Maggie and Nancy asked what my 40th challenge would be. Would it be a marathon? Would it be s*x for a week straight (how is that a challenge)? And what kind of crazy friend suggests that? What what what?! So now I have to commit to a challenge! Thanks, Maggie.
So, ala Julie and Julia, I decided to blog about my challenge, not because anyone would be interested, but to create a space where I will be held accountable, because if just one person reads this, then I am accountable to the goal! (Having said that, if anyone wants to make a movie about me, or write a book, I have got some good stories).
So here it is, and don't laugh. Because once I say it there is no going back, and believe me, I've gone back. Back and forth, my whole life. But no more.
Part one of my challenge is to arrive at my healthy weight by Feb 23, 2010, my 40th bday. I have determined that 155-160 is a healthy weight range for me. Prior to 8th grade, the last time I was 155 was at my cousin Joe's wedding in 2000. Clearly I didn't stay there, or I wouldn't have a challenge. Today I weighed in at 187, not my heaviest ever, but still, too heavy.
Part two of my challenge is to maintain that weight range my entire 40th year. NOT that I intend to balloon up at 41, but I expect that I will have learned a few good habits that will carry me into the next stage of my life, a healthy girl. So on Feb 23, 2011, I expect to be within that healthy 155-160 range. And if I'm not, I guess I'll kill myself. Just KIDDING, people, settle down!
So there it is. I can do it. I know I can. I'm a happy girl. I love myself. I'm worth the effort. (My husband is skinnier than me, the bitch.)
Anyone care to join me?
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